My Two Wheeled Wife

Did your wife just buy a scooter? Why yes Sir, she did indeed.

A few weeks ago Alana dragged me and Gabe to a scooter shop as some kind of punishment. It was probably because we were killing zombies too loud or something. It was called Scootopia and it had a man called Ben who we later saw on the telly. She asked many questions about scooters and scooting and decided she like the look of the Sym Retro. TV Ben gave her a voucher for a lesson which she had on Bootie Fail day.

With her noggin full of scooter learning and a savings account full to the brim with dirty dirty money it was just a case of test driving a few different death traps lawnmowers ponies scooters for to make choice.

Then Ben-from-the-telly did a speaky on the phone. He had a second hand Retro in and it was about half the price of a new one because it had many many many kilometres on it. Stacked vertically reaching into the heavens I presume. Or perhaps kilometres in it. Done to it.

I asked the Internet how long a 50cc 2 stroke engine should last and received a range of opinion. Turns out that replacing a couple of bits makes it new and it isn’t that difficult or expensive. I was still a little un-convinced but Alana decided to trust Ben. He was on the telly once after all. (I was on TV once and I wouldn’t recommend trusting me as far as you could throw me – which isn’t far cos I am a fair bit bigger than you).

This Saturday morning before I was awake and breakfasted Alana disappeared and came back with the machine pictured above. TV’s Ben done did her a deal on her pink head protector but didn’t have in stock any bright pink non-leather (Alana is an idiot vegetarian) jackets. This had to be ordered on the phone from some place in NSW and should be arriving by courier today.

I have to admit the thing looks pretty cool and it seems to suit Alana pretty well. She went on some practice rides on the weekend and feels it is just a case of building up some confidence. Despite being a complete whack job behind the wheel of a car* she is taking this very seriously and promises me she will not try to pull any wheelies or fall in with the bikies.

I was feeling fairly calm about the whole thing, despite several of my good friends predicting doom, until this morning.

We left for work at the same time and had to go the same way for a bit. Her on the Scooter me in the Yaris. I was terrified the whole time. I was sure every other vehicle on the road was going to swerve, lunge and otherwise attempt to squish my wife into the tarmac. When I think about it now she seemed to be doing fine. A couple of wobbles starting and stopping and standing still at the lights looked a little uncomfortable. A couple of weeks driving into work and I am sure she will well and truly have the hang of it.

You wouldn’t catch me on one. Not even for money. Not even for cake.

*whack jobbery perhaps exaggerated for funny.